Friday, October 22, 2010

even the noise you make when you sleep, can't swim across the river so deep...

It's snowing. Not just a few little flurries, but actual snow. Lightly falling snow that catches the light from the street lamps. The kind of soft snow that is so beautiful and peaceful. When it's DECEMBER. Not October.
I know I grew up in Winnipeg where snow in October (especially the tail end of October) was almost always a guarantee when I was a child (not so much these days though...), but I'd gotten used to the no snow until late November, even sometimes into December. I guess there's no denying it - I had to wear gloves on my way to work this morning, and now it's snowing. Winter is on its way.

I'm trying to figure out a plan to get me through this winter as best as possible. Winter is always hard for me - I really do feel the lack of sunlight. I have to fight the urge to hibernate and hide inside the house. Winter is when the dragon usually starts breathing fire and this winter there's good reason for the dragon to rear its ugly head. February 3rd. The day I was supposed to meet my baby. When I first realized Bean's due date, I was so happy. February is generally my worst month mood wise. It is, for me, the cruelest month traditionally, but to have my first baby born in that month - well that would change everything. There would be something wonderful to look forward to every February. And now instead there is only sadness to anticipate this coming February.

So there's good reason to plan ahead. Chart a course of action that will keep me moving forward, head above the snow banks. Exercise. Nutrition. Activity. Friends. I haven't decided what that plan of action looks like exactly, but I'm working on it. I want to refrain from my usual 'coping' mechanisms of food, shopping, and not moving from my bed.

Or maybe I'll just sleep from New Year's until Spring.  You know - either/or.

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