hope there's someone who'll set my heart free, nice to hold when I'm tired...

I miss writing, but my muse has been errant. My 'me' time lately has not included the computer and while I've enjoyed the meditation, the movement and the music that has been filling my time, I don't want to neglect the writer side of myself. The part who likes to play with words. So like every other thing in my life that is good for me, and that I do enjoy, I have to make time for it. So I will make an effort to take some time to put words to screen (or page, if I feel so inclined) more often.

To help me with that endeavour (and some of the other goals that coincide) I've decided to participate in Reverb 10. I'd not heard of this until today, when in a few brief moments of downtime from my work that has become so very busy as of late, I followed a link on Twitter. I love how when you need something, but when you're not looking for it, the universe sends you exactly what you'd given up looking for.

Today's prompt: December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

My one word for 2010: HOPE.

I was going to pick another word. The first word that popped into my head was "Loss" followed closely by "Sucked". 2010 was not a good year. 2010 was in fact one of my more painful years. The miscarriage at the end of June made my heart ache in a way I'd never experienced before. And while it was a huge part of this year (trying to get pregnant, seeing that second line for the first time, and then 5 weeks later seeing the dream and my world crash down around me, my tiny, little bean in my hand 31 weeks too soon...) - it was not the whole of it. And part of what I've been focusing on this year is less of the negative, more of the positive and I don't want the one word that sums up my year to be negative.

Hope is a far better fit for this year. Despite everything - how hard it's been for us to conceive, how hard it was losing Bean - we both are willing to keep trying. We both have hope. Every time we try something new to try to make our lives better, that's hope. ANd 2010 has been an exercise in my trying to make my life better. To do more for me and my needs. To love myself unconditionally. To believe that things will all work out in the end. That is hope. And that has been my year.

My word for 2011: JOY.

I think, really, the reasons go without saying.

push it, make the wheels go harder...

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday.

I've been going to Aquafit classes at the pool across the street from my house. And while I like the concept behind Aquafit - bouncing around in a pool for an hour, just like when I was a kid - the classes I'd been going to were less than inspiring. The instructor is a woman in her mid-fifties, in a sweatsuit, yelling out movements every so often. She never gives encouragement, she never exercises with us, and she never motivates. She's going through the motions, in essence. And as a result, her classes are low-key, with little energy. We, too, go through the motions, mostly. I try to push myself, but I rarely leave feeling like I really worked out.

So last night, when I got home from a long day at the office, I was cranky and tired and the last thing I wanted to do was go to an uninspiring aquafit class. Mike pushed and prodded and finally got me out the door, swimsuit and money for the class in hand, but I was convinced the class would be mostly a waste of time.

Boy was I wrong. The usual instructor wasn't there. Instead, one of the life-guards, a young woman probably about 18 or 19 (or even younger), lead the class. And lead it, did she ever. She was in the water with us, she was shouting out instructions left and right, she was motivating, she was enthusiastic. In short, she was everything the other instructor was not. The class was HARD. She had us moving and jumping and working our butts off. And I loved it.

The lesson learned was this - never assume you know what something will be like. Because it might just surprise you...

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As an aside - apparently I was one of the only ones who really enjoyed the class. Most of the other women are in their fifties and sixties and were less than thrilled at the new intensity level (and that they didn't get to use their precious foam weights - she had us use water bottles filled with water instead.) I heard nothing but grumbling in the change room after the class about how hard it was, and how they didn't like it. Which is too bad, because it was exactly the kind of class I was hoping for...

I may have to look into either finding a new place to take aquafit, or a new type of exercise...